Awake

Light & Darkness

In a glorious moment
You show me beautiful lights
And I want to know all the colors
Emotion in your eyes

-Vancouver Sleep Clinic

There was a time in my life where change outside of the mold seemed impossible.

There was no sense in discovery when your role had been given to you. How does one dare to dream or question when the dreams you’re allowed have been handed down to you?

I’m 29.

I’m emerging into the most questioning state of my life.

I do not question my salvation anymore.

I do not question if I’m allowing my true self to pour out. I do however question how I walk this earth and what footprints I’m leaving behind.

It is not enough for me to surface level my relationship with Christ.

There’s a quarter sleeve on my body that reminds me just that – an eight year struggle of my life story; an invitation to seek the truth and light in life.

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.  – 1 John 1:5-7

I never want to forget my mess. I want to pick it up so it doesn’t drown me. And, forgive so I am not made hard by it. To name it, be marked by it and become something out of it.

We were made for messes.

We were made for wrestling in all our interactions with God.

We were most certainly made to move and be moved. I spent a very long time hiding the light that God gave me out of fear of losing it. In return only to wander the wilderness without a lantern – out of fear of being spotted.

I am awake. And this year, new spaces will be made & I will dance in the joy of his work at hand for I am no longer in hiding.

I encourage you to seek spaces of growth. To place yourself in positions that make you pick up your own crosses and carry them forth with you. For if you don’t pick up those things that have sunk you, then you will stay below the water gasping for air. But, their is power in naming your afflictions – there is power in naming suffering into joy and ultimately into the glory of God.

Is any of this easy? No. But the reward is great. This is where community becomes so essentially important. God never intended us, in my opinion, to wander alone without compassionate conversation and companionship. Thus the creation of Adam and Eve. He intended us for communion within community and to steward the land around us for the common good of one another.

Crave a desire to hear more than the words on paper, but to speak them into the atmosphere; to hear different perspectives and to seek God’s voice amongst them.

I am awake.

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