Hello, humans of the inter-webs and dear friends!
I’ve been vocal about my sexuality/gender expression for what seems like a good two years of open processing and allowing myself to ease into finding comfortability in the uncomfortable of navigating internalized homophobia, who I really am as a person and how I truly feel is an authentic version of me showing up in the world.
Over the past two years, I’ve made it a point to turn my personal dialogues into public writings and musings for all to hear and see. It has been a part of holding myself accountable, giving space for those not quite where I am and to say ‘you are not alone and you are not normal – you are uniquely beautiful.’
It’s truly impossible for me to wrap my head around how in the past ten years I’ve become who I am at this moment today on National Coming Out Day, Oct. 11, 2018. This letter may seem a little over due – but for me – it is right on time.
As I’m typing this there is an immense wave of emotion – y’all this is real.
Hi, my name is Rachael and I love a woman deeply. I identify as a queer non-binary person, or as commonly used, gender queer. This means, for me, that I float in-between the spectrum of gender. Gender is fluid in my eyes and isn’t a forced identity, but an experience of which each person lives into differently. I have enjoyed slowly informing people of pronoun changes, deciding what my wardrobe really should look like to reflect my internal perspective and being loved deeply by my partner and friends.
Here’s what feels good to me:
They / Them / Theirs & She / Her / Hers
- Wearing androgynous clothing in which each day my body, mind and spirit shows up in its masculine and feminine space free of internalized shame, fear or guilt of who I am.
Every day is a choice, battle and struggle to continue to affirm this – however – it is happening.
- Being a transparent and honest in my presentation of who I am each day – aka – not hiding any parts of me from the world.
This is where sharing with all of you comes into play. Living my life is a joy and I want that joy to be shared into community – sharing that joy helps me stay inside the light of it.
Is it easy to come out?
There are so many layers to the process of coming out. Today, I feel like this marks me actually doing it. Even though I’ve been in queer spaces, advocating for justice and affirmation – I’ve been struggling to reach a point where I feel proud of who I am, what I will become and beginning to know the person I truly am.
There is joy, grief, sadness, anger, guilt, shame and reconciliation to you. It is the most beautiful process to continue living into for the rest of your life. Embrace it all and be you in every single phase, moment and action.
How do you justify yourself spiritually?
Hi, hello family or friends who are VERY confused right now as to how this spiritually is well with my soul. Know that your questions – new or old – are good ones to engage in and know that I am not the person who can help you navigate them. You have to make the choices to do the research, the reading and the engaging. I am not your human encyclopedia of questions, however, I will point you in directions to read or watch items. And willing to engage after you’ve done the work, too.
In short, this isn’t a question you can answer in one full swoop. For me, a lot of my sexuality and spirituality has been affirmed by God in my own experiences. From there I did the intense work and continue to study scripture, writings and approaches to further the inclusionary teachings of the Bible.
We were created in kinship to foster justice, love and Christ like community. I am still very much your family and God’s child.
Here’s a great place to start.
In closing, thank you for sharing this moment with me. No matter your beliefs or reaction, know that you reading this is meaningful to me.
To all those who are making the journey and continued journeys to discover yourself – keep going. Never stop in advocating for your being – a God given divine creation of good. You are unique. You have gifts to give to yourself and this world. Keep venturing into the depths of what this can look like for you.
Love to you all,